What is Patience?

Patience is a virtue. Youth does not have patience. One must be seasoned and worldly to have patience. Our parents at times had patience, if we were lucky more often than not. Grandparents, counselors and professors have patience. As kids we never had patience. We were quick to respond to things we did not like. We would make sure and we would nag our parents until we got exactly what we wanted.

We shared stories with our friends about how we got our way. It seemed like the louder the Dada the more the kid got his way. Those patient Dads always seemed to win. Those guys never raised their voices and no matter what you threw at them they never seemed to bend. Their patience served them well.

Patient folks seem to be able to remove themselves from the emotion. Step back and handle the situation from outside the turmoil. They seem to avoid the mistakes of youth. They control the situation then sit back and drink in the results. Once we reach a certain level of maturity we too can be patient.

Is that so? Is patience really what is being displayed? Patience, the ability to remove yourself from the emotion of the situation to gracefully endure the pain and persevere. Are the people in our lives that we turn to when we need help the patient ones? Are these the parents, coaches, friends and mentors that have pushed us to our wits end to find the best inside ourselves?

What about the Dads with short tempers that react to what we do and then let us get away with it anyway or the Dads that never raise their voices and let us never get away with anything? Is one more effective than the other because of their level or patience? Obviously, the patient one has the upper hand.

What if patience is not what is at work here. How is it that some patient Dads are hated? Why are some impatient Dads so loved? Do all patient Dad’s kids turn out better? Some kids with impatient Dads turn out really well. Some of the best loved coaches and teachers have no patience at all. Some seem to be yelling all the time. Displaying no patience at all. What if patience is not at all what is at work here? What if we looked at this from the point of view of the mentors of the world? Why is Dad always yelling at one child but not the other?

Is there something else at work here? From the child’s perspective its degrees of patience. From the adult’s perspective it’s a matter of perspective. The perspective that the child does not see. The perspective that allows the parent to see that one child needs to get yelled at while the other needs to be reasoned with. The perspective that allows them to see how best to guide given the personalities involved.

It is not patience that is the virtue. Patience involves detaching yourself from the situation to persevere through it. Nothing long lasting comes from detaching from anything. The only way to succeed is to engage. To engage into the emotion of the situation to allow you to see every level of the reality. To be able to know when to push and yell or sit back and let things ride or gently make a suggestion or two.

To fully engage and stay engaged in a situation you must be able to envision the goal. As a child you are not able to see the goal. As an adult you have the responsibility to see the goal and stay engaged through to the end. The virtue at work here is wisdom. The virtue that can be attained at any age, but the virtue that seems to elude so many.